Dr. Social Media Marketing Douchebag or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Internet

30 Apr

Ok. So there I was. Proud entrepreneur dude. Just returned home. The dude who owns his own internet company. The most eligible bachelor in the small town of Rewari … I was home to bask in all my glory!

Ladies of Rewari .. one at a time please!

But then the inevitable happened. My dad told me this:

I know a guy .. who knows another guy .. who knows this guy .. You should meet this guy. He is a social media guru.

WTF. And my pride came crashing at my proud puffy-with-pride feet. I know my dad was asking me – “Son, are you a guru yet or not?”

No really. A guru! But it got me thinking! Haven’t I heard this one before? Haven’t we all heard this before? But over the months we have learned to recognise the gurus from the true thought leaders. The douchebags from the enthusiasts. Before we go ahead, it’s time you look at this video:

And now here’s a quick tutorial me and Manasi made on how to recognise your classic example of a Social Media Douchebag:

  • He proclaims his douchebaggery by using words like Social Media Expert, Social Media Guru, Social Media Rockstar, Social Media Maven and Social Media Evangelist. Trust us, if you see these phrases .. run. Run faster than Lola Ever Ran!
  • He actually behaves like a celebrity. Expecting to be invited to every event and every tweetup. Wake up dude! On the internet, this monkey sniffing his own butt is a bigger celebrity than you.
  • He has no idea what he / she is selling and will layer it with words like ‘social currency’ ‘engagement economy‘ and ‘conversation strategy’
  • If you ask him what ROI on Social Media is; the reply is  ‘Return On Influence’ and ‘Return on Engagement’
  • If you ask him her what’s wrong with your brand he will tell you that you need to ‘evangelise your evangelists’ and ‘monetise your Facebook page’
  • He will promise to get you 50,000 fans and 10,000 followers per month (this one’s a side-effect of the epidemic called Social Media Marketing which is running rampant right now)

And hi, if you are reading this and you satisfy more than one of the above conditions, then:

And if you are still in doubt, then read this website like you would have read your Playboy magazine.

Amen to the internet fairy.


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